Regret; entries from the past

[HIROKI katashi]

Silvered hues moved over the hard cover carefully as memories began filling his mind. The journal. The small book in which had not been touched for what felt like centuries was now in the frigid hands of the man who had lived for far too long. The man who had killed hundreds, no thousands of young and beautiful woman throughout his ‘immortal years’; the man that wanted to give up just like his sire had done. No…[/color][/i]

Pulling himself away from the narrow bookshelf, Roki crossed the room to his oak desk, not pulling his gaze away from the hard cover, which kept the delicate pages intact. The once beautiful binding was now tattered and torn. One corner was dented and the once vibrant red had now faded into a dark crimson color. It amazed him he was able to keep the journal from completely falling apart but then again, it was the only thing left that he had some sort of attachment to.

Without needing to pay any attention to where he was going, he continued crossing the room slowly. As he held the small book in his left hand, he turned it slightly to examine the back as if there were anything to be found there. There was of course, nothing to be seen but more faded fabric. He was hesitating. A part of him was screaming for him to open the damned journal and read it and a part of him screamed not to. He would just be reopening wounds.

Finally reaching his chair, he slipped onto it, pressing his back against the cushion of the seat in an attempt to relax. Placing his elbows on each armrest, he leant back a bit more causing the chair to recline. Once comfortable, the digits of his free hand grazed the sides of the cover and pages before he reluctantly pulled the journal open. The paper had gone from white to a burnished color. Before they were soft and now they felt dry.

A sigh slipped between his ashen lips as he flipped through the pages, silently scrutinizing his own handwriting. Some entries were written in Kanji, or in Japanese, while the others were written in English. All was written in black ink except for one entry which was written in blood. Scoffing to himself, he skipped past the one written in crimson ink and flipped to an earlier date. Eyes drifted over the date written in cursive. At the end was an ink splatter. How clumsy of me…[/color][/i]

July 4th, 1925

Independence Day. Nineteen days until my birthday. I will be fourty-seven this year but of course, I have not aged. Not even a bit. Not a single grey hair has tainted my jet black locks and not a single wrinkle has dared to crease my pale skin. I’m curious. Curious as to how it feels to be…. Old. How it feels to rot away; to die. Unpleasant I assume. I could have been graced with death today. Taro explained that it was ‘not my time to go’ yet…[/color]

Not my time to go yet…[/i] He looked up, pulling his attention away from the words as they began replaying themselves over and over in his mind. Just as he had suspected, memories of that exact night, July fourth 1925, flooded his mind. There was no need for him to read on. Scenes from that night began appearing seemingly right before his eyes. Shaking his head slightly, he stared off as the most ‘memorable’ event played itself out like a movie.

”I’m giving up.” Taro pressed his back against the damp wall of one of the buildings beside them towards the end of the alleyway, letting the lifeless body of the young girl slip from his grip only to drop to the ground with a soft thud. Hiroki looked over the girl’s fragile form before looking back up to his sire questioningly. ”What do you mean?” He knew what his sire meant but playing stupid was just his pathetic attempt to push the thought away.

”I’ve seen all I’ve wanted to see Roki…” In frustration, Roki sent his foot flying into the girl’s side, watching as the body lifted up off the group then back down, thumping against the concrete louder than before. Gritting his teeth, he turned his back to Taro as be paced down the alleyway only to turn around to walk right back up. Hurt filled eyes looked over the other vampire, tears outlining Roki’s grey orbs.

”What am I supposed to do? What… What am I going to do without you Taro?” Since Hiroki was seventeen years old, Taro had been around. He raised him, brought him into the Yakuza deal, and made him what he was today. Taro was his sire.

The other vampire gave the young one a reassuring smile as he placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him from walking away. Roki allowed his eyes to drop to his feet as his sire looked over his face as if finding the right thing to say. He knew all too well that this day would come. It wasn’t the first time the subject was brought up.

”You’ll be able to find a new “friend” Roki… You have to learn to go on without me.”

”That’s easy for you to say…”

Disappointment washed over Taro causing the corner of his lips to dip down into a frown. Rather than arguing, he gave Roki a slight pat on his shoulder, walking past him. He slipped his arm around his fledglings’ shoulders and led him out of the alleyway.

”I’d love to see the ocean again. It’s been centuries since I’ve seen it under the sunlight…”

The book was slammed shut in the vampire’s left hand before being thrown across the room, colliding with a lamp. Stomping one foot against the hardwood floor, a hand was brought up over his eyes as he massaged his temples using his middle finger and thumb.

“Imbecile…” He knew that reading the journal was a bad idea. A stupid idea.

Other than the sound of his heel tapping against the hardwood floor as his leg shook, the rain outside could be heard beating loudly against the window behind him. To mortal ears it would be nothing but light patting against glass but to his immortal ones, the sound was almost unbearable. Indignant, he stood from his seat moodily and crossed the room over to where the small book had landed. The lamp that once rested on a small stand was now lying on its side on the floor with its base cracked.

“Great,” he sighed as he bent down to take the diary in one hand and the now broken lamp in the other. Regardless of the fact that the light was damaged, he set it back where it belonged as he stood upright again, clutching the book tightly in his hand. There was no need to read over he had written years ago. He remembered every single detail as if it had happened just yesterday.

Minnajima Beach; the beach Roki visited often as a child. That's where the two vampires found themselves, looking out into the pitch black waters. It was only moments until sunrise which was making Roki uneasy.

"Come on Taro, the sun will be up soon. If we don't leave now th-"[/i][/color]

"Go on without me, Hiroki." Taro interrupted as he bent down, watching as the ocean water washed up and splashed against the tips of his shoes. Hanging one arm over his knee, he reached down and gathered a handful of sand, examining it as if he had never seen anything like it before. After a moment, his hand was tilted slightly to allow the content to spill back to where it belonged.

Then there it was; the orange glint from the sun. With eyes wide, Roki stared off into the distance, watching as the one thing that could easily kill them both slowly crept from its hiding place. Mesmerized, the young vampire was unable to draw his attention away from the dilating light. He knew all too well of what was to come and the consequences the hypnotic light brought with it.

Finally able to come to his senses, Roki quickly looked away, latching a hand around his sire's upper arm. "Taro I'm begging you, please, let's go." His plead only proved futile as his long time friend jerked his arm away, causing Roki to stumble back a bit.

"I said go on without me!"

Shocked, Roki took a step back, his eyes fixated on his sire's face as he turned back to look at him. "Not once have I ever asked anything of or from you Hiroki... Please, just this once. I promise you we will meet again."

With a mere nod of the head, the young vampire turned on his heal and bolted, leaving his sire behind just like he had asked without glancing back even for a moment.[/color]

"Hmph..." Using the back of his hand, Hiroki wiped away the wet trail a tear had left behind as he moved back towards his desk. It wasn't until now that regretted leaving Taro behind. After some of the things he had experienced after his friend's death, Roki wished he would have gone with him. Then again, at the same time he was thankful to still be alive.[/size][/font][/blockquote]

[HIROKI katashi]

It had been a day, or perhaps two since the journal was last picked up. Roki had gotten himself caught up in work and various things to keep his mind preoccupied but now as he seated himself behind his desk to relax, even if it were just for a few moments, he found himself eyeing the crimson colored book. He knew all too well what was kept beneath the bindings. He knew that no good ever came out of reading the things he wrote in the past but yet, it still intrigued him.

Roki was never good when it came to fighting off his temptations. No matter how hard he tried, they always seemed to take control of any given situation; never giving up until he gave in. That’s what was happening now. The bait had been set out and he was going after it. Just one entry.

[/color] he promised himself as he leant over his desk top, reaching for the small book. Just one…[/color]

The hard cover was lifted and pushed aside as the vampire sat back, his back now pressing against the soft cushions of his leather chair. There was really no point in getting comfortable. He knew that sooner or later out of anger or annoyance, he was going to remove himself from his seat and stomp about the office.

Tilting the book to the side a bit, he allowed the pages to flip on their own. Grey orbs watched as the pages swiftly moved from one side of the book to the other until they stopped as he held the book upright again. One entry had immediately caught his attention. It was the same one that caught his eye the night he decided to pull it from his book shelf. The entry written in blood. Again, second thoughts filled his mind as his eyes scanned the date.

For a moment, he lifted his eyes away from the journal, looking up towards the door as if expecting someone to walk in. It was just his pathetic attempt to find an excuse not to read the entry. With a sigh, his eyes were cast back down to the book.

April 2nd, 1938[/u]

She’s gone…. Why is she gone. What have I done.
I searched the entire town for her. Everywhere. I’ve searched every little crevasse; ever little crack.
All the alleyways. Everywhere.[/color]

Eyes wide, hair ruffled, and clothes dirtied, Hiroki sat at in the corner of his bedroom as a shaky hand moved over the crisp pages of the tiny journal. It wasn’t long ago that he returned home after scouring the streets of Paris for the fifth or sixth time. It had been nearly two weeks since Naomi’s disappearance. Two whole weeks since the vampire saw his wife.

He had awoken one night to find her gone without a single note; nothing. It was as if she had simply vanished into thin air. Naomi had never left home without him or without letting him know where she was headed first. Unable to comprehend the reasons as to why she would just up and leave, Hiroki went ballistic the past two nights, killing anyone and everyone that he had crossed paths with during his search for his wife. All he wanted was to have her back and he had promised himself that he wouldn’t stop until she was found, but only after two dreadful weeks, he had finally wore himself out.

After jotting down a few more fragments into the journal, Roki looked up and examined the young boy’s body that lay before him. Fear was spread across the lifeless face and the wound the vampire had ripped into the boy’s throat had finally stopped leaking. Blinking slowly, he brought the tip of his pen down towards the hardwood floor where it met with a puddle of blood that had collected beside him. His dark slacks which were also soaked with blood were now sticking to his leg, irritating him. He shook his outstretched leg slightly as he turned his attention back to the pages before him and went back to writin

Please come back to me Naomi.
I do not know if I’ll be able to go on without you. What was it that I did wrong?
Was there something that I did wrong?
Don’t abandon me like this.
Please don’t leave me like my sire did.

For nights he waited for her to return and just as he had feared, she never did. The nights had soon become long weeks and the long weeks became months and soon enough, years had past by quicker than he had anticipated. He slowly learned to accept the fact that she was nothing but lost to him now. He forced himself to think that she was dead. It was much easier to think that than to imagine her with someone else; a mortal.

A few days prior to her disappearance they had gotten into an argument about their ‘differences’. She had hated the fact that he was an immortal and that he refused to curse her with the dark gift that he had been forced to take. No matter how much she begged and pleaded for him to change her, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. Changing her only meant hurting her and that was the last thing Hiroki ever wanted to do.

It wasn’t until now that he had realized the reason as to why she left. Once again, he was left with nothing but regret. Regret that he didn’t give into his wife’s desires. Regret that he had pushed her away rather than bringing her closer. If he had fallen victim to her pleas, would they still be together now? Maybe, maybe not. It was much too late to try and find that out now.

[/size][/font][/blockquote]