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Post by cherry on Mar 12, 2009 16:40:06 GMT -8
FEBRUARY 26th; 22:04 Mood;; Hollow. Music;; Take A Bow - Leona Lewis.
Take A Bow; 'Cause You've Taken Everything Else. You Played A Part; And Like A Star You Played It So Well. Take A Bow; 'Cause This Scene Is Coming To An End. I Gave You Love; All You Gave Me Was Pretend.
I finally did it. I finally managed to find the courage to serve Kai papers. I've had enough. I know he fucks virtually every woman he feeds off, and though it bothered me a bit, I could cope with it. Then, I saw him kissing that little slut of a secretary, but I disposed of her with Damien's help. And now? The final straw; he fucked another woman. Not just another woman, but another Vampire. I'm not sure what the hell I am to him anymore, but it's not a wife. A possession? Probably.
I used to be grateful to him for saving me and turning me, now I hate him for it. If he'd kept his hands to himself.. I wouldn't've needed saving. Before I met him, I wasnt happy, but I was happier. Cliche, but my lifes been nothing short of a horror story since I met him. I hate him more than anything else. I really don't love him anymore. So why do I still crave his arms, his touch?
I think it's because he's the only person I really know. All my mortal friends, they're still my babes, but they're just not the same now. Everything's changed, and the worst thing is its irreversible. I can only stay around my mortal friends for so long before they realise I still look 19. I never wanted to die, but did I ever really want to live forever? I'll always remember how I used to joke that I was going to jump into the Thames the day I got my first wrinkle, but would it really have been that bad? I can never be normal now. I'm going to live forever. That's the scariest thought I've ever had.
This song's on repeat and I love it. It's everything I want to scream at him and more.
I believed everything he said, and I gave him the best I had. What did I get? Violence. Heartache. A prison. Mental and physical torment. I know he wont just let me go. It's been too quiet since I served him the divorce papers and it's frightening. He isn't going to just let me walk away. He made me, I'm just his possession, his belonging, his slave and his bitch. Such a lovely thought.
I wouldn't mind being immortal, if I could just get drunk and high and generally off my face. I'm trying, believe me, I'm trying. And I'd feel better if I could stop crying. He's not worth my tears, for fucks sake. My heads all over the place. I wish he'd die. I wish I'd die. I wish I had a time machine. I wish I'd never met him. I wish.. For so much. I wish I wasn't letting him win by how I feel.
I'm going to go for a walk in a bit. I'm going to relax and just.. walk. Danny/D-rock showed me a song earlier; My Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead. It's really angsty and it comforts me, and I've been listening to it alot since he showed me, but I just needed a change of song for a while. I guarantee I listen to My Black Dahlia when I'm out though. I need cigs, so I'll buy them and just.. walk. I might go down to the Thames; I haven't been for a while. We used to sit on the banks and drink when we were younger, me and the guys. Looking back, I guess my teenage years were pretty amay. I just didn't see it then.
Atleast the cunt made me see one good thing.
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